Can kindness be a cure for pain?
Metta for all beings
Can kindness be a cure for pain? I had two wisdom teeth out this week, something I'd been dreading. Years ago a young, cocky dentist with big biceps ripped out a tooth, taking half the gum with it. It bled for hours, and ever since I've been terrified of having to have a tooth out. But now I have the kindest dentist, and what a difference kindness makes.
She's not kind in a sentimental way — she's kind in a firm, reassuring way. Obviously the six injections of anaesthetic (she told me to close my eyes, I assume so I wouldn't see the massive syringe) meant I didn't have any pain, just a sensation of pulling and the sound of crunching. But I expected the pain to come on when the anaesthetic wore off. It didn't.
This past week I've been reading about the connection between the mind and pain — how the mind creates pain to distract us from emotions we don't want to feel (see Dr Sarno). He talks about a phenomenon from the Second World War: soldiers carried off the battlefield with serious injuries and taken to the field hospital. Knowing they were going to be looked after, and that they wouldn't be going back into battle, meant they felt nowhere near the level of pain you'd normally expect from those injuries. As a civilian, having an accident and going to hospital would come with all kinds of other stresses — but for these soldiers, it was an experience of relief.
My happiness and relief at having such a kind dentist seemed to have the same effect. To be on the receiving end of kindness is a real gift. We don't get to choose a kind dentist, and most of the people in our lives aren't chosen by us at all. But if there's one person who could become a reliable source of kindness in our lives, it's ourselves. This is what's meant by self-compassion. How do I become more kind, firm yet reassuring towards myself?
The place to start is by noticing how I talk to myself. Often we don't notice what a hard time we give ourselves — those things are never voiced out loud, and if they were, we'd probably be shocked. Maybe we think we have to give ourselves a hard time or we won't get anywhere. But what if we trusted in the power of kindness? Why not try it this week — make a conscious effort to talk to yourself with kindness and understanding, and see what happens.
